I'm confused.

So if I delete someone from my friends list, but they still list me as a friend on their LJ, can they or can they not see my FO entries?

i thought they were supposed to be the dog days of summer?





it's not fitting properly.


here's the link for the other half of the other half of the pictures.


http://img527.imageshack.us/my.php?image=collagell6.jpg

2nd to last math test today, last test before the (20%) final!


i feel ready. i guess this is the before picture.






and hopefully stay that way, not like this:

I'm going to start keeping a list of lines, lyrics, quotes and the like that just resonate with me. Powerful, perfect things that seem like they were written for me alone.





"I used to pray that God was listening, I used to make my parents proud,
I was the glue that held my friends together" - Brand New (Milestone)

"I'm tired of feeling nothing goodbye" - Counting Crows (Black and Blue)

"I must go on standing, you can't break that which isn't yours" - Regina Spektor (Apres Moi)

"Whenever I look back at the best days of my life, I think I saw them on tv" - The Bravery (Time Won't Let Me Go)

"And how much did you pay for your rock'n'roll t-shirt
That proves you were there,
That you heard of them first?" - Cake (Rock n Roll Lifestyle)

"Seeing you is like pulling teeth
And hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil
I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say" - Incubus (Blood on the Ground)

"If they can't find a way to help her, they can go to hell" - Josh Ritter (girl in the war)

"When I got out you were there, knocking on the front door. The cold gets in the things you wear. It's so good it's that time again." - Limbeck (The Sun Woke the Whole State)

"You seem so out of context,
in this gaudy apartment complex.
A stranger with your door key,
explaining that I'm just visiting.
And I am finally seeing
why I was the one worth leaving." - Postal Service (District Sleeps Alone)

"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame" - Sia (Breathe Me)

"Eternity was in our lips and eyes" - Huxley (Brave New World)

Likeable words, phrases, etc. To be updated every so often.

abbreviate
aperture
apothecary

betwixt

cerulean
chaos
contemplative
coquette

detritus

e.g
-esque as a suffix for any word.
ethereal

facsimile
flagellum

gajillion

impish
intrinsic


lackadaisical
loathe (as in, i am loathe to refuse)

matrices
monosyllabic

quell

(integral symbol)
soveriegn

tabulate
trollop

un-fuckin-believable (any word hyphenated with a swear word, really)

verboden (german)

i got my third test back in calc. i did better. still failing, but barely (69%). it brought my overall grade up 4% (shows you how bad i was doing before, that a F brought my F up!), which is pretty good for one test. i found a tutor in an unlikely place: a bar. [i'm not drinking, i went to a concert with my mom.] i thought i recognized a girl there from the math center on campus. it was her. she tutors. she's in linear algebra (LINEAR!!!!?) so right there, she's a lot smarter at math than i am. so i enlisted her tutoring services. we have our first session tuesday.

i feel ok so far about the first assignment of the new material and i am pretty unsure of myself re: the material presented today.

oh. and i forgot to say:


I'm FAILING Calculus!

it's awful. i suck at it. i can still pass, so i'm not quitting, but i don't get it.

the last test: 40% (aaah!)
test corrections (neccessary, counts as a hw assign): ZERO!

i guess derivatives are not my friend.

the next chapter seems to be going better. i had a few lightbulb moments so far. test is a week from yesterday.

so often we reach out
and offer that which we have to give
to someone who has no need
or does not recognize the value of our gift
thus our gift goes unreceived
through no fault of our own
and this rejection causes pain

but the real tragedy occurs
when someone comes along
who has a need for
and recognizes the value
of what we have to give
but because the memory of rejection
is still fresh on our mind
we are no longer
reaching out

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10912603/


what a bunch of sick fucking assholes!


almost none of the stupid pervy online child hunters would admit to it. 'uh yeah, i'm here to play pool'.


bull. fuckin. shit.




that's why you sent inappropriate pictures to the minor? seriously. i had never seen that show before (/to catch a predator)...what is so irresistable about a prepubescent teen??

jesus.


gross!!!



http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17137110/

we're perhaps planning a seattle visit in may and today i happened to stumble across Continental airlines website.



behold, the best flight from spokane to seattle. EVER!!



see for yourself








yeah. you can go to portland, no problem. but when you want to go seattle, you have to go via NEW JERSEY. it's the most direct way, really.

1. my phone is so cool. i still can't get over it. www.modaco.com



2. i got a coach bag. greg bought it for me. nice. he's spoiling me.



3. portland was ok, i guess. . .



4. i think i'm going to sell some photographs after a class or two at the falls. start out cheap, like $5 with the mount and whatnot. hobby with minimal income.

Guess what?!


I found out I'm traveling (again) for work! My third trip in a year!! I'm going the 7th-13(?)th (Sun-Fri) to Oregon. Yay! Training. I'm going back to school on Wed and I'll get straight with my professors. Get all the makeup work assignments and junk.


I watched Dark Side of the Rainbow last night with Emily. Weeeirrd. Too weird to be 'coincidental'.


Christmas was great. I got about half the stuff off my list, I think that was a successful plan. My birthday is coming (feb 5th) and I think I might rent out the clubhouse and throw myself a party. You can rent it for $50. Invite people from work and stuff. Could be fun. And Greg and my anniversary is in March.

I bought Greg some eggnog body wash yesterday at Nordstrom. I like to try to metro-ize him in small ways. I finally bought myself the Makeup Optional kit, which I've been pining for for almost a year. And my mom and I took Greg's laptop to be repaired. It's a surprise. It's possibly a broken fan. He's not sure. And he hasn't noticed it missing.

I think that might be it. Hm...yup!

My last years resolutions. This years to come...soon.

Style:
buy a diamond for myself

get a cute big clutch for carrying lunch in, workout clothes, etc for work.

get some nice black slacks (banana republic, probably, 80 bucks)

Personal:
one hour a day on internet

socialize more

volunteer

Fitness:
get back to 3x a week at the gym

walk one hour a week for fun

get a gyno checkup...

new diet:
make dinner once a week and eat that for several meals

bring lunch and water or juice, no pop

use the food dehydrator...(i think we lost it. i don't think we own a food dehydrator anymore.)

try one new fruit or vegetable each shopping trip

stuff from the old diet to keep building on:
one take-out meal per pay period

no eating after 9 pm

Finances:
save $50 per month, at least(i did $60 a month!!)

pay down EWU bill to under $500 by christmas. . .ten $100 payments? i actually don't know what the balance is on this bill. it might be as little as a thousand. i know it's not over 2000, i think it's somewhere ~1500 PAID OFF!!

stop charging on the amex til it's paid off, except for xm radio, the one exception. PAID OFF!!

bump 401k back up to 15% contribution

I guess I 'officially' started training today.


I ran a mile with Greg on the Centennial trail. Good times! After not running for 3 or 4 months, a mile non-stop is awesome.


I'm proud.

this is ridiculous.

I read a quote, it was by bono, but wait for it:

"Africa makes a fool of our idea of justice; it makes a farce of our idea of equality. It mocks our pieties, it doubts our concern, it questions our commitment. Because there's no way we can look at Africa - a continent bursting into flames - and if we're honest conclude that it would ever be allowed to happen anywhere else. Anywhere else. Certainly not here. In Europe. Or America. Or Australia, or Canada. There's just no chance." He continued: "You see, deep down, if we really accepted that Africans were equal to us, we would all do more to put the fire out."
-The End of Poverty, Jeff Sachs.

Amazing.

We are such ignorant, fat slobs. Think of the people, the children who sleep on the ground of huts, without hope of a decent meal, medical care or clean water. Dogs live better in america. Then, cast your thoughts to how we must seem to them: we are all paris hiltons. Spoiled, rich, lavish, gluttonous pigs. In a way, it makes me ashamed of myself. Neither of us can help where we're born, but we can help now. Our spend-happy government can help now. Who's responsibility is it?

Survival of the fittest? Can we just leave humans in the dust? Was the Holocaust a Darwinian mechanism for all those lives? Of course not. These. Are. Human. Beings. No one should be dying of malaria in 2006, anywhere. This is not a third-world world. How can one country be so far ahead of another? Since 1940, 57 cases of malaria have been reported in the USA1. How can there be places where running water has barely grabbed hold, countries whose populous can't even grip the first rung of the 'economic development ladder'? It really blows my mind.

This is not a place in time where black people are equal. Black or Afghani or Indian or Bangladeshi. It is every man for himself. How does this happen? Is this a product of capitalism? Of democracy? Is it the old saying, an eye for an eye (makes the whole world blind)?

Homeless can prowl the streets of every major metropolis, begging. We give them money knowing they will buy beer, crank, meth. We are a nation of givers. We are not selfish by nature. We give to the Tree of Sharing. We give to the ASPCA. UNICEF. NAACP. Katrina relief funds. Rebuild the Two Towers, create a memorial. When an entire country, an entire continent is in financial distress, we hollar at them "DO IT YOURSELF!" "GET A JOB, YOU UGLY BUM!" The country is respectfully begging, eyes downward cast, yet we cruise past in our Escalades, splashing mud onto the lowly beggar. We work hard for our money, right? What have they done to deserve it? This ain't no communist shithole! They need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get with the program.

How? How can an entire country, a collection of impoverished countries 'do it themselves'? Their government? Haven't whites infested Africa, capitalizing on the wildlife, the athletes, the cuisine? Haven't missionaries tried to do what they can? This isn't a job for one person, or even one country. It is a job for the world. A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link.

It doesn't take a zealot. It doesn't take a communist. It doesn't mean you're a 'tree-hugging hippy'. It takes action. Plain and simple.



It's painful to think about...the heartlessness of the situation. We are leaving them out in the bush after nightfall. If you are a Christian, you believe that God is going to send his son back to collect his disciples, his seeds, his shepherds. There will be/is currently a revelation and consquently a rapture will follow. Who is going to be plucked? Who is going to be abandoned? The Escalade driver? The ASPCA donor? FEMA? Think about the shoe on the other foot: if Americans had no water, had unheard numbers of controllable AIDS cases, malaria, starvation. Who would help us?

We need to take a long, hard look at what is happening. We need to stop being the stereotypical Americans. We are fat, sedate and ignorant. We have our small luxuries: our McDonalds, our bus routes, our 24 Hour Fitnesses. We are burning bridges. We think that we can never be taken down. "That can never happen". But if it does, no one is going to help us. Is that the sort of place you want to leave your grandchildren?

"Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down"- Johnny Cash.

1. http://www.malariasite.com/malaria/namerica.htm

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

and

Cassandra Jane Caterson's Aliases

Your movie star name: Trail Mix Clarence Your fashion designer name is Cassandra Prague Your socialite name is Cassie Cow-pants New York Your fly girl / guy name is C Cat Your detective name is Giraffe Cheney Your barfly name is French Fries Irish Trashcan Your soap opera name is Jane Pineview Your rock star name is Cadbury Lightning Your Star Wars name is Casmol Catgre Your punk rock band name is The Hungry Calculator

+

=
crazy
delicious!

Can you delete or edit memory entries?



DS DAY!!! Leaving in a bit!

What happened? I just started watching the news and it's really non-descript. Something about liquid exposives and high alert.